For some time now, a wonderfully entertaining thread entitled 'You may be a pole dancer if… ' has been running on the Studio Veena forums.
It’s something I’ve seen in a lot of online communities, especially fandoms (for example, 'You Know You’ve Read Too Much Harry Potter When…') and it’s great fun to see it applied it to pole dancing, too!
Of course, to give credit where credit is due, if you came up with any of the great chestnuts below, please leave a comment and I’ll add your name next to it, right away.
So here it is…
My Top 40 Signs You’re Totally Addicted to Pole Dancing…
- Regardless of your attire, you can’t walk past a street sign, lamp post (or any other assorted scaffolding) without trying a trick… or twenty!
- You know exactly, to the second, how long it takes to disassemble your pole, when company is on its way.
- You’re so eager to spread the pole love that you could give preaching door knockers and TV Evangelists a run for their money.
- You can never find short enough short shorts!
- Your child or sibling’s behaviour on the playground fireman’s pole causes a bit of a brouhaha among the other parents (and/or teachers)
- Your own behaviour on the playground fireman’s pole causes even more of a brouhaha.
- Accidentally coming into contact with moisturising lotion sends you into a fit of panic.
- You can’t go into a supermarket without buying methylated spirits.
- You tell the real estate agent that the ceiling must be at least 3m high, with solid beams, or you’re not interested!
- The way you pick up items you’ve dropped at work becomes “conversation” for the water cooler.
- You forget that there are appropriate times and places to watch pole dance videos on youtube. (Tip: School, work, the library and the airport are not such places.)
- Someone asks you what you’re thinking and you absent mindedly reply “I’m just trying to figure out why my butterfly to flatline, to hiphold to gemini isn’t working right…”
- Your pole gets wiped clean more than your coffee table.
- Your family members or flatmates no longer worry when they hear loud thuds followed by groans and/or swearing.
- You are so proud of your bruises that you point them out to absolutely anyone that will listen.
- Your husband wants you to get a t-shirt saying ‘I’m not a battered wife – I’m a pole dancer’ so people don’t give him dirty looks when you’re out together.
- You jump at the chance to visit a strip club, even though the burning desire to get on the pole is practically torture!
- Your ultimate fantasy is to own and teach at your own pole studio.
- Your most important tool kit is the one containing 1 large spanner, an allan key and two tightening rods.
- You regularly research which local bars have poles, and call up to clarify whether you can use them.
- Your wardrobe is slowly filling up with 6 inch platform heels, bikini sets and knee high PVC boots. You seriously consider buying more storage furniture just for pole accessories.
- Your living room furniture spends most of its time pushed up against the walls. Your pole is way more important!
- You think any clean, spacious room with high ceilings is wasted without a pole.
- You now answer “How are you?” with details of your latest and greatest pole achievement.
- Every secret santa present you get from work is a pole-related gimmick; pole dancer alarm clock, keyring, bumper sticker, even a usb pole dancer that dances to the speed of your typing…
- You constantly challenge your male friends to an arm wrestle, in an attempt to prove how good a workout pole dancing is.
- You trip over yourself on daily basis, but are as graceful as a swan when there’s a vertical bar involved.
- You are delighted when someone notices your calloused hands, and you consider any comment on your tough skin to wonderful compliment.
- If it comes to it, yes, you are totally prepared to forfeit your bond/security deposit on your apartment, in the name of Pole.
- You miss your pole so much when you’re out of town that you actually take it with you next time you go on holiday.
- You forget that the average person doesn’t absolutely love pole dancing too.
- You take much better care of your body that you ever did before, now that injury or illness mean time away from the pole!
- You joined a gym or signed up for personal training, purely to improve your pole skills.
- You wish it was socially acceptable to wear those see-through, fuck-me stripper heels with diamond studs and beaded heel in public.
- You travel with a full supply of grip aid in your glove compartment because you never know when an irresitable pole opportunity will emerge. Constant vigilance!
- You have more pole related playlists than all your other playlists combined.
- Thanks to your incessant proclamations of the infinite wonders of pole dancing, your beauty therapist, boss, GP and landlord all want to start classes.
- You measure the success of a night out by how much street pole was involved.
- Your significant other, flatmate or family members no longer finds it odd to hold conversations with you when you are handing upside down by the crook of your knee.
- You’ve made footprints on the ceiling.
If you like this list, be sure to head on over to the original thread and read the all the fantastic and witty contributions.
And if you would like to lay claim to any of the ones I have re-posted here, please leave a comment below or email firstname.lastname@example.org.